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COVID-19 Special: 'Godzilla vs. Kong' (PG)



Director: Adam Wingard

Cast: Alexander Skarsgård, Millie Bobby Brown, Rebecca Hall, Brian Tyree Henry

Where can I watch?: Godzilla vs. Kong is streaming on Apple TV. 

Rating: 2/5

Review: Do you like your apes oversized and your lizards fire-breathing (I know it's not fire, die hard fans!)? Have you always wanted to see big things punch each other repeatedly thanks to the latest in CGI technology? Are you looking for a film that will make you think, 'this is dross' but renders you unable to look away? My friend, Godzilla vs. Kong is the movie for you. There's no point in trying to explain the plot, because there isn't one to describe beyond ape hits lizard, lizard hits ape, people scream and run. However, for all the repetitiveness of these giant creatures hitting each other and roaring, it's far better than enduring the shocking dialogue between the wholly one-dimensional human characters who appear to be there for no reason other than to stand around with their mouths open and get emotional at varying points. Honestly, I know viewers aren't watching Godzilla vs. Kong for Sorkin-esque interactions, but the disjointed drivel that constitutes 'conversation' in this film is simply dire. And there's not just one group of useless human characters either - in an irritating side plot, three dislikeable wasters (Millie Bobby Brown, Brian Tyree Henry and Julian Dennison) decide to discover why Godzilla's been acting so angsty recently. (Hint: that dodgy French man at the beginning has something to do with it!). Also, I realise that this film requires a significant amount of suspension of disbelief, but the centre of the Earth being hollow? Really? And if it's so far into the centre of the Earth, how is sunlight getting down there? How are all those big green plants photosynthesizing? Rest assured, all your questions will remain unanswered. 

A COVID-19 Must-Watch?: It's rubbish, but it's hard for me to say that you shouldn't watch Godzilla vs. Kong because it's just two hours of mindless, big flashy-bashy noise that doesn't require any thought and is completely removed from any kind of reality. With things in the world being a bit rubbish, who doesn't need that kind of escape right now? 

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