*
DVD Release
Warning: this review contains
some minor spoilers
Bill Parrish, a fabulously
wealthy media mogul, is fast approaching his 65th birthday when he
is visited by Death, who has taken the body of a recently deceased young man in
order to live amongst humanity. Death requires Bill to be his guide throughout
his time in human form, but complications arise as Bill’s board members
question the constant presence of this strange individual and Bill’s daughter
becomes increasingly attracted to her father’s new companion.
The premise of the film is quite
interesting: Death walking amongst mankind is a promising plotline, suggestive
of something quite spooky, philosophical and haunting… things that this film
definitely isn’t. The writers abandon any notion of creepiness and suspense
(actually, anything of interest) in place of the most contrived and horrible
love story that is so utterly cringe-worthy and annoying that I wanted to gouge
my eyes out. Death, named Joe Black (Brad Pitt), should clearly know that it is
wrong to get emotionally involved with a human, and yet goes ahead and does it
anyway. Claire Forlani plays Bill’s daughter and Death’s love interest, Susan,
and she is the worst female character I have encountered in a long time: her
character development revolves around the notion that she finds Brad Pitt
attractive and wants to be ‘swept off her feet’ by love… or is that what her ‘daddy’
wants for her? From the outset, it becomes pretty apparent that Claire was
written entirely by male screenwriters (indeed, the film is credited with four)
as no female would want to portray another woman as being such a bland, wet
individual! On top of this, Forlani cannot act and contorts her face into the
most irritating facial expressions when gazing long into Death’s face. Also, I
think the writers wanted us to find the blossoming ‘romance’ between Death and
Claire to be something wonderful, but actually it’s downright creepy, especially
when it comes to the sex scene! This isn’t as passionate and sensual as the
writers clearly meant it to be, BECAUSE A HUMAN BEING IS HAVING SEX WITH DEATH!
Maybe it’s a play on the theme of la
petite mort, but it’s more likely just to be an excuse for Brad Pitt to
take his shirt off.
It also goes on… and on… and on –
I honestly didn’t know it was possible to make a film so long where nothing
happens. There are elongated scenes where no little happens that it seems
ludicrous someone even wasted the time filming them – no one cares that Bill’s
eldest daughter has got him three cakes to try as possible options for his
birthday cake! No one! Similarly, no one cares about the state of Bill’s
company and the fact that Drew (the archetypal slime ball of 90s films) is
trying to break it up so he can become mega rich as well. In fact, I didn’t
care about any of it. The final act as Bill’s birthday party literally lasts
for about a million years, and has even more staring and sickening declarations
of love than the rest of the film. The end wraps up far too neatly – shouldn’t
there be a negative side to Death coming to stay? After all, dying does not
solve problems, so surely Death should not be able to as well?
The whole time (and it was a long
time) I sat there hoping that the film would redeem itself, as the opening does
have some merit, and the premise is an interesting one, but it just doesn’t
live up to expectations. It is boring, the acting is pretty poor, and I just
wanted every single character to be wiped out in some form of nuclear apocalypse.
The more I think about it, the more annoyed I become, so I shall draw this rant
to a close.
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